“The Most Controversial Christian Teaching: Love Your Enemy” a sermon on Luke 6:27-38

Luke 6:27-38
“The Most Controversial Christian Teaching: Love Your Enemy”
Preached Sunday, February 23, 2025

Before I get to the most controversial Christian teaching there is… I am going to talk to you about being a camp counselor.

For several years, I was a camp counselor at Camp Asbury, one of our United Methodist East Ohio Summer camps. One of the tricks they taught us in staff training for working with kids was the “yes and” technique. Now, the “yes and” is to be employed when a kid is complaining or arguing about something. You start with the yes - that’s the affirmation of whatever they are feeling:

Yes, I know you don’t want to brush your teeth
Yes, I understand at home your bed time isn’t for another hour…
Yes, I get that you’re mad that we’re going on another hike…

Now normally here we’d say BUT,

But, the moment you say BUT - everything you just said before is negated and the kid - or person - adult brains actually work this way too - is pushed back into defense mode! Time to fight and plead my case more! So, instead of BUT - you say AND:

And, here at camp we brush our teeth in the morning.
AND, our group’s bedtime is now.
AND, we do activities together.

AND, believe it or not, I’ve seen this work countless times. And I even still use this when dealing with difficult situations with people. It works on adults just as much as kids. So add the “yes and” technique to your conflict management toolboxes.

Which brings us to the “and statement” in today’s Gospel lesson:

““If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. If you lend to those from whom you hope to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to receive as much again. But love your enemies, do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return.” I’d interject here: AND love your enemies, do good and lend, expecting nothing in return.

As Christians we are called to love. We love our family, our friends, those who love us AND we are to love our enemies.

We are like those who Jesus talks about. We are the sinners who love those who love us. We are the campers complaining to the camp counselor, “But God, I love THESE people, MY people, I don’t want to love THEM. I don’t want to love my enemy.”

To which Jesus replies, “I know you love those who love you. AND, Christian love, my Love, is bigger than that. You are called to love your enemy.”

A high-ranking US politician recently got it all wrong in an interview. He said, "There is a Christian concept that you love your family and then you love your neighbor, and then you love your community, and then you love your fellow citizens, and then after that, prioritize the rest of the world.” This is a very common understanding in our world and country of a hierarchy of love. But it simply isn’t what Jesus teaches.

Later in the Gospel of Luke, Jesus is put to the test by a lawyer.

“An expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. ‘Teacher,’ he said, ‘what must I do to inherit eternal life?’ He said to him, ‘What is written in the law? What do you read there?’ He answered, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind and your neighbor as yourself.’ And he said to him, ‘You have given the right answer; do this, and you will live.’

But wanting to vindicate himself, he asked Jesus, ‘And who is my neighbor?’”

Here we once again are reminded that even sinners love those who love them. Why would he want to vindicate himself? He was looking for the loophole. He was looking for those it was okay to not love.

And it’s here that Jesus tells his well-known story of The Good Samaritan. He gives the example of the enemy, the other, the one that people would be expected to hate. Jewish New Testament Scholar, AJ Levine wants to help us in modern days to understand how controversial, how earth-shattering, this story was. She said that a modern equivalent might be Jesus telling the story of “The good Hamas member” who helped the beat up Jew by the side of the road.

In essence, Jesus is saying: there is no one who is not our neighbor. Even our enemy is our neighbor.

The National Catholic Reporter says it like this:

“Jesus' point was not about prioritizing family first and neighbors second. It was about demolishing the categories that keep us from seeing each other as worthy of love in the first place. Love of family and love of neighbor are not in competition; they are part of the same holy calling.”

Jesus here is making AND statements. Jesus isn’t just saying to do good to those who love us back or those who do good back to us, sure, we should do good to them AND we are called to do good for those who hate us. As Christians we are called to bless others - AND not just those who bless us back, but those who curse us. As Christians we are called to pray - AND not just pray for those who are praying for us but even those who would abuse us.

And - no ifs, ands, or buts about it - these are HARD teachings and, getting more and more controversial.

Love your enemies.

I used to think that in the 21st Century, the concept of enemies was an outdated one. I used to think that we, as individuals, thought that, for most of us, we don’t really have enemies. That even those who we disagree with, we aren’t really ENEMIES. But I do fear that this is changing. There are people in places of high power who benefit but us turning against each other. More and more, we are beginning to paint each other as the “other.” As “the enemy.”

This both is and isn’t true. It really is an AND statement. Bear with me.

Whenever someone is telling us that someone else is our enemy, it is often to create an environment of fear, an environment of exclusion, an excuse to justify not treating “the enemy” with human dignity, let alone love.

We need to be very critical of any time we are ever told who to fear and who to hate.

AND, on the other hand, as Christians, we should have enemies. The definition of enemy is “a person who is actively opposed or hostile to someone or something.” Consider Matthew 25 in which Jesus tells us that those who give the thirsty something to drink, the hungry something to eat, the naked something to wear, those who visit the sick and imprisoned - they do so to him. And those who did not meet those needs, they do not know him. And sadly, we do know that there are people in our world who not only don’t care for the immediate needs of their neighbors, Jesus embodied in the last and least in this world, there are people who also make it harder to get food, harder to get clean water, harder to access healthcare, and even make profits off of imprisonment…That is antithetical to teaching of Jesus and the Gospel of Love. That makes them our enemies.

…so yeah, we have enemies.

Now, just a minute ago: I told you to be critical of anyone who ever tries to define the enemy. And please, be critical of me. Think critically about what the Gospel of Love is, the Gospel of Jesus, and who is living antithetical to it. And what I specifically said was “We need to be very critical of any time we are ever told who to fear and who to hate.” I am saying, yes, we have enemies. I am NOT saying that we are to fear or hate them.

We have enemies…AND, the Christian response to having enemies? Love them.

Love does not mean excusing behavior or values that are harmful. It doesn’t mean a lack of accountability - it doesn’t even mean liking them, it means loving them. It means letting God’s love shine through you. Through doing good to them, blessing them, praying for them. I especially want to lift this up for the verse “pray for those who abuse you” as it’s been used against women, children, and other vulnerable people in abusive relationships. By no means should this verse be used to convince people to stay in abusive relationships, to convince someone to not seek safety from abuse, or to shame needed boundaries for those who have left abusive situations… Remember that God desires wholeness and wellness for each and everyone of us. You can pray for and love those who would harm you - with healthy boundaries in place to protect your wellbeing and safety.

And, we can admit that these teachings are counter-cultural and even controversial. These are the teachings of Jesus: to love our enemies, to do good to those who hate us, to bless those who curse us, to pray for our abusers - these are HARD teachings! They’re hard because they go against the whole way that the world works. Most of our world operates SOLELY on loving those who love us, doing good to those who do good to us, blessing those who bless us, praying for those who pray for us. We give and we expect it back. Our world is a tit for tat world. And we swim in this water and we can so easily just go with the flow of the rest of the world without even realizing it.

So we come to the questions:

Who are we willing to love? Are we willing to follow the most controversial Christian teaching and love our enemies? Are we willing to go against the grain of this world and choose love - choosing offering blessings and prayers - where the world would offer hate and curses?
Are we willing to radically choose love? To love those who love us AND to love our enemies?

You might ask - Pastor Allison, how do I concretely do this? How do I love my enemies in a world that is so set up to hate the enemy, fear the enemy, chose violence against the enemy? Start with prayer.

Desert Father Abba Zeno said, “if a man wants God to hear his prayer quickly, then, before he prays for anything else, even his own soul, when he stands and stretches out his hand towards God, he must pray with all his heart for his enemies.” How do you pray for your enemy? Start with a simple prayer: May they know God’s love.

In praying that our enemies experience God’s love, we are wishing fullness of life for them. For when we know God’s love, God’s perfect love drives out all hate. There are stories of KKK members leaving behind their white robes, nazis tearing up the swastika - changes of hearts - most of those changes came through relationships with people who prayed for them and showed them love.

Also in praying for our enemies, it may or may not change our enemies, but it does change us. It helps ease our anger and resentment toward fellow human beings, putting their souls, and ours, in to the hands of our merciful and loving God.

And here’s the disclaimer: Our love will fail. There will be times we curse others, under our breath or out loud. There will be times we pray for vengeance rather than for revelations of love. There will be times where we draw hierarchies of love - building up walls between those we view as worthy of love and those we view as not worthy. There will be times we fall to the world’s rhetoric of fear and hate. And! Hear the Good News. The Good News is: even when our love fails, God’s love never does, God’s love remains steadfast. God will ALWAYS love us AND God will always love our enemies. And through the love of God, may we all find room to love - yes, to love God and to love those who love us AND to love our enemies.

God of love, help us love.

Amen.

"I've been meaning to ask...where do we go from here?" a sermon on Ruth 1:1-22

Ruth 1:1-22
“I’ve been meaning to ask…where do we go from here?”
Preached Sunday, February 9, 2025

“I’ve been meaning to ask…where do we go from here?”

This is our final week of our four week sermon series, “I’ve been meaning to ask..”

A Sanctified Art, the creative team behind the series says this about the theme:

“In creating this series, we started by asking ourselves questions: ‘How can we listen to one another? How do we find connection[...]? How do we create space for compassionate dialogue and for seeking the holy in one another?’

While the challenges of becoming beloved community to one another are endless, these questions are simple. We quickly recognized that all courageous conversations begin with simple questions and the curiosity to truly listen. …The main objective of this series [is]: to cultivate courageous conversations—and to keep having them…these questions aren’t surface level; they invite us to share our pain and seek ways to care for one another.”

And so I have chosen to preach these questions over the last couple of weeks. And I do think we’ve encouraged each other to be courageous community to one another. Over the last couple weeks I have overheard or engaged in conversations with many of you about who you are, about what you’re going through, about how you’re supporting each other and showing up for one another… I am only getting a small glimpse into this. I pray and hope you are finding other, unknown to me ways, but known to God, as to how you are showing up and being community to one another…

And so today we are rounding out our sermon series with “Where do we go from here?” While this is the end of this sermon series, I pray it is only the beginning of the ways we show up for one another and move forward as beloved community together…

Which brings us to our Scripture from Ruth today. The story of Naomi and Ruth actually brings together all the questions we’ve asked ourselves and one another so far:

“Where are you from?”
Naomi was from Bethlehem in Judah but lived many years as a foreigner in a foreign land, as an immigrant. There was a famine in the land of Judah and Elimelech thought that moving to Moab would have a better life for his family. And then, when their fate turns in Moab, they seek to return to Judah. And yet, Naomi has been irrevocably changed by place and the experiences she had as an outsider in another land. And now it is time for Ruth, the Moabite, to be the foreigner. There is no doubt that Naomi and Ruth and this whole story is shaped by place.

“Where does it hurt?”
Naomi has experienced the death of her husband and two sons. Ruth has experienced the loss of her husband as well. Naomi has said goodbye to her home twice - only to return to a place that was once home but she has been changed beyond recognition by loss and grief. She says, no longer call me Naomi but call me Mara which means bitter. Ruth has now also said goodbye to her home, has lost her husband young, and is leaving behind everything she’s ever known. Where does it hurt? In the story of Naomi and Ruth a better question may be - where doesn’t it hurt? They have known acute loss. Acute grief. So much death and loss. And the particular pain of saying goodbye to one's home and one’s country in hope of a better life elsewhere.

“What do you need?”
As widows without husbands or sons, both Naomi and Ruth are on the outskirts of an extremely patriarchal society. Later in their story, we find them gleaning the fields. The Law in Leviticus 23:22 says, “When you reap the harvest of your land, you shall not reap to the very edges of your field or gather the gleanings of your harvest; you shall leave them for the poor and for the alien: I am the Lord your God.” This protection was to ensure that no one went hungry. That there was always food available for the picking for the last and the least - that included Naomi and Ruth. There were also other needs - Ruth and Naomi needed each other. Friendship. Companionship. They needed a path forward as well.

Which brings us today: “Where do we go from here…?”

And it’s kind of a trick question - and I don’t mean it to be - but the answer to where do we go from here is not a place, it is not a destination, it is a state of being and that is - together as a community.

We see the first part of this today where Ruth pledges herself to Naomi. Where do we go from here? Wherever we go, we go together. Ruth says,

“Where you go, I will go;
where you lodge, I will lodge;
your people shall be my people
and your God my God.
Where you die, I will die,
and there will I be buried.
May the Lord do thus to me,
and more as well,
if even death parts me from you!”

The Scripture says that Naomi says no more to dissuade her. And through the rest of the book, Naomi calls Ruth “my daughter.”

Where do they go from here? Whatever the future holds for them, they will be together.

They also need a wider community. They need the community to leave the harvest in the fields for them. They need a wider community to care for the last, lost, and least. Where do they go from here? They only go forward with the support of a wider community that cares for their needs.

Where do they go from here? Whatever the future holds for them, they will be in community.

Ruth is only able to glean as much as she does because a man, Boaz, took notice of her and he instructs others to not reproach her and to keep her safe. There are risks for a young, widowed, foreign woman. Thankfully, the community and honorable people respond with protection. They only go forward by looking out and protecting those who need help.

Where do they go from here? Whatever the future holds, they look out for one another.

Which brings me to us here today, the people of Boardman UMC, where do we go from here? We go forward together. We go forward in community. We go forward looking out for each other and the last, the lost and the least.

When we ask ourselves and one another, “where do WE go from here” - the emphasis is on the “we.” It is a recognition that we are called to continue to be community to one another, as we get to know each other better, as we share pain, and care for one another. It is not a journey that ends today - it is just a continuation of being community, it is a challenge to better be community to one another and all we meet - letting the love of Christ guide us all to better love one another.

Rev. Aisha Brooks-Johnson says this about the book of Ruth and Ruth’s pledge to Naomi to go forward together:

“We have experienced a lot of death, grief, and loss in the midst of a global pandemic, racial brokenness, economic disparity, and political division. Can you imagine a world in which we took spiritual oaths like the one we find in the book of Ruth? What if we resisted the temptation to fight or flee in the face of grief, pain, and oppression? What if we took these vows with members of our human family? Imagine a member of the human family before you and speak these words aloud to them: By the mercy of God and because of God’s grace, we are bound to one another. Your pain is not your own but is now my pain. The plight of your people is held in my hands and my heart as if they were my own. Where you journey and work, I too, will journey and work alongside you, with God’s help. Where your bones are buried, may I too, find a resting place and declare every earthly resting place sacred in the eyes of God.”

There is no doubt that we are living in divisive times. There is no doubt that we are living in times where the question of “Where are you from” is a loaded one and the answer often influences how much dignity a person receives. There is no doubt that we are living in a time where there is so much pain and the question of “Where does it hurt?” is a risky one to ask because it will push us to empathize with one another and stand in solidarity with those in pain. There is no doubt we are living in a time of great need. When asking each other, “what do you need?” may require commitment and sacrifice from ourselves and our own desires to put the needs of others first.

So how do we as Christians who are seeking to live out the love of Christ in community - how do we counteract the divisiveness, pain, and needs of the world? We ask each other the hard, courageous questions, we open our ears and hearts, we listen, we learn - we change our hearts and minds to conform to the heart and mind of Christ, and we go into the future together - leaving no one behind.

And we do that by being community to one another and to all of our fellow human beings.

We learn each other’s stories. We empathize with pain. We show up for one another. We envision a future - for our church, our country, our world - that sees all human beings as beloved, reflecting the Imago Dei, the divine image of God, in each and every one of us.

When discerning where to go - together - there are a lot more courageous conversations to be had and what to ask. As a church community, bounded together by love, we may ask ourselves and one another:

What energizes or excites you?
What is something you deeply long for?

We might ask: What’s something in your life, in the Church, or in the world that desperately needs to change? How do you want to be part of that change?

And, allow me to make it real concrete for us here at Boardman UMC for a moment, show you part of the roadmap for what lies ahead of us.

Our leadership has approved moving forward with a Capital Campaign for renovations and repairs for building and ministry. We are titling this campaign: “Today, Tomorrow, Together” - and I and key leaders will be sharing and you all will be hearing a lot more about this campaign and endeavour in the near-ish future… but the whole question of that campaign is really “where do we go from here?” And the answer is: Together. We are making changes and improvements for a better today and for a better tomorrow - and we will do so together.

And again, there is no denying how much pain, confusion, fear, anxiety is out there in our world - and perhaps also, in our own lives. And our own congregation. Here, among us today. And so, for all of us who want our world to look more like the Kingdom of Christ - we all have a lot of work to do. Together, how can we make the world a more loving place? We start with the questions.

I’ve been sharing poems from The Rev. Sarah Are throughout this sermon series, I have one more that I’d like to end with:

“Flashlight”

I wish I could draw you a map
of the next steps—
the next conversation,
the next brave truth,
the next fumble,
the next apology.
Wouldn’t it be nice to know
what’s coming?
Wouldn’t it be nice to
prepare our hearts?
But I don’t know where to go from here.
I am a child with a flashlight—
deeply hopeful and a little nervous,
all at the very same time.
What I do know is I don’t want to go
anywhere without you.
So I’m hoping that you will
take my hand.
See this truth.
Trust my voice.
Look for the good.
And day by day,
we can go from here,
because we were never meant
to go alone.
And maybe we’ll get lost;
but then again,
maybe we’ll be found.
So if you’re willing,
if you’ll just say yes,
I will let you hold the flashlight.
We can find our way,
step by step,
light in hand,
abolishing shadows
together.
Who needs a map
when you have
the light, anyway?”

I’ve been meaning to ask…where do we go from here? We go together and with Christ. Amen.

Call to Worship for Transfiguration Sunday

Leader: On the cusp of Lent, this season of Epiphany is ending.
People: Like the magi, we are convicted that following Jesus changes us.
L: Through the baptism of Jesus, we celebrate that we are children of God.
P: On the mountain top, we get another epiphany.
L: Today on the mountain top, we see the face of God.
P: In worship today may we be changed, beloved, in awe.
L: Let us worship our divine Lord.
All: Amen.

Call to Worship based on Luke 6:27-38 & The Greatest Commandments

Leader: Who are we to love?
People: We are to love God with all heart, soul, and mind.
L: Who are we to love?
P: We are to love ourselves as God loves us.
L: Who are we to love?
P: We are to love our neighbor as ourselves.
L: Who are we to love?
P: We are to love our enemy.
L: Is there anyone we aren’t called to love?
P: No - the God of Love calls us to be God’s love in this world.
All: May we follow the God of Love. Amen.

“I’ve been meaning to ask…what do you need?” a sermon on Job 2:11-13 & 2 Timothy 4:9-18

Job 2:11-13
2 Timothy 4:9-18
“I’ve been meaning to ask…what do you need?” preached Sunday, February 2, 2025

“I’ve been meaning to ask…what do you need?”

We are continuing our sermon series on “I’ve been meaning to ask…” A Sanctified Art, the creative team behind the series says this about the theme:

“In creating this series, we started by asking ourselves questions: ‘How can we listen to one another? How do we find connection[...]? How do we create space for compassionate dialogue and for seeking the holy in one another?’

While the challenges of becoming beloved community to one another are endless, these questions are simple. We quickly recognized that all courageous conversations begin with simple questions and the curiosity to truly listen. …The main objective of this series [is]: to cultivate courageous conversations—and to keep having them…these questions aren’t surface level; they invite us to share our pain and seek ways to care for one another.”

And so I have chosen to preach these questions over, hopefully igniting curiosity, conversation, and community amongst those here at Boardman United Methodist Church, and beyond. And I want to revisit last week’s question before we move forward today.

Last week we asked of ourselves and one another, “Where does it hurt?” We talked about how it is extremely risky and courageous to ask this of one another. Because everyone has pain. We are called to see the pain of others and then act in solidarity with them. Sometimes that act is just bearing witness to the pain and being a friend. Which, often, but not always, is the answer to “what do you need?” I need to be seen. I need to be known. I need to be loved. I need a friend.

Which brings me to the term “Ministry of Presence.” I would go on to hear the phrase talked about in seminary and pastoral care classes…but I first heard the phrase and saw it lived out through my husband. The following is shared with his permission.

Zach’s dad was sick for a long time. Muscular Dystrophy. For him, there was no cure and no treatment. And before long, he lost the ability to answer the question: what do you need? He could not move his body and he could not speak. He lived his final years in a nursing home before he passed away in 2014 at the age of 55. When I met Zach, working together at Camp Asbury, every Saturday he would go visit his dad. Before I knew Zach well, I just wondered where he disappeared to every weekend. Once we started dating, I often went with him. The first summer we were married, we went together every Saturday to see his dad. And when Zach would go, and sit at his father’s bedside, and hold his hand, and make one-sided conversation…his dad would just look at him…and smile. Zach was giving him what he needed - the ministry of presence. That is, the gift of just knowing that you are not alone. You are not forgotten. There are people who love you dearly. What do you need? Just me and you sitting here together. What do you need? Zach and his dad both needed those Saturdays together. A dad who needed to know his children loved him. A son who still needed his father in his life.

What do you need? Sometimes the answer is as hard and as easy - as the ministry of presence. Of sitting with someone in whatever they are going through.

That’s what Job’s friends do in our first Scripture reading this morning. The story of Job is an allegory that explores our understanding of human suffering and our relationship with the Divine in the midst of it. In it, Job loses everything and everyone and Job’s friends respond to him. Now, Job’s friends do go on to put their foots in their mouths - but in the Scriptures we read today, they got it right. Job went through extreme trauma and extreme loss, perhaps most heartbreakingly, the death of his children. And so Job’s friends immediately respond to his distress.

“Now when Job’s three friends heard of all these troubles that had come upon him, each of them set out from his home…They met together to go and console and comfort him. When they saw him from a distance, they did not recognize him, and they raised their voices and wept aloud; they tore their robes and threw dust in the air upon their heads. They sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great.”

Rending one's clothing and covering oneself in dust were physical acts of solidarity of the grief of the one mourning. It was a powerful ritual that physically showed someone, “your grief is now my grief. You are not alone.” I wonder if we have modern day equivalents - bringing someone a casserole, sending them little daily texts just to say “I’m thinking of you,” or simply showing up, like Job’s friends, but without the theatrics.

In another church I served, we had a church leader’s husband unexpectedly die at a young age. The church member and widow was not alone for the next week. Friends filled her home, they sat together, they cried together - they took care of everything - the kids, the meals, the cleaning. They even slept next to her in bed, holding her when she would wake up crying at night.

“What do you need?” Everything. I can’t do anything but cry right now. Please, hold me.

In the Jewish tradition, they call what Job’s friends did and what those church members did, they call it “sitting shiva.” Shiva comes from the Hebrew word for seven - a period of 7 days, of solidarity with the mourning. Mourners sit low to the ground and don’t do the daily tasks. The community surrounds them to care for them during this time. They weep, read Scripture, mourn, say goodbye - together. “What do you need?” I need a community to surround me.

When we ask “What do you need?” We need to be ready to respond to the answer of the one in need. Sometimes those needs may be solidarity, support, a friend. Other times there may also be physical needs.

In our reading from 2 Timothy today, Paul does need the gift of presence - he wants Timothy with him and soon. In this passage he gives himself and others the gift of forgiveness - meeting a need for his soul…but he also isn’t shy in sharing his physical needs: cloaks, books, parchment.

Paul was never one to shy away from sharing his needs: intangible yes - but also the tangible. He did lots of fundraising for his ministries and when you’re a fundraiser, you learn not to be too shy in the ask. And because he has a good friend in Timothy, he has someone to help him with those tangible needs.

We all have those intangible needs: the need to be seen, known, and loved. The tangible needs are present as well - in varying degrees depending on the individual. Meeting the immediate, tangible, physical needs of our neighbors is extremely Christlike.

Jesus preached in Matthew 25 that when you give the thirsty something to drink, the hungry something to eat, when you welcome the stranger in, when you give the naked clothes, and when you visit the sick and imprisoned - you do so to Jesus himself. Jesus’s whole ministry involved meeting people’s tangible needs. He gave the hungry something to eat, he made the blind to see, he stopped the bleeding, and healed the sick. He cast out demons and put his body in front of those who were at risk of being harmed.

Sometimes when we ask someone what they need - and they say a tangible thing - we need to be prepared to meet that need, if it is within our realm of possibility, without judgement. For example, in seminary I often volunteered with an advocacy group for people experiencing homelessness. They said the number one thing people on the street needed was money - to allow people to have the agency to use it for their needs - to buy clothing for an interview, a motel room for a night inside, food that they liked. Of course, many people - myself included - struggle with this request. We think, “what if they use the money for drugs or alcohol?” And there are some who do. At the end of the day, how the gift is used is between them and God - the giver has done their part by meeting the need. They advocacy agency shared if you just couldn’t give money, then warm winter clothing and food were other strong needs. Another example - when a new mom has a baby, everyone wants to hold the baby. But maybe what she really needs is for someone to do the dishes or cook dinner so she can soak in the snuggles. I did tell people they could come hold the baby…but 3am would really be the best time. Following my emergency surgery, both grandmas came and did this for one night each. It was so amazing.

Whether someone needs the gift of presence, of friendship and companionship, of sitting shiva - or they need financial aid, a good meal, help cleaning the house…or whatever it is - it is courageous to ask them what they need. Think of those in your life who may be in need right now - are you willing and able to ask them what they need? Ask them how you can help? And are you prepared to meet that need? To be clear - sometimes we cannot meet the need. The ask is too great. Or the person has a history of taking advantage of offers for help. It is important to both receive the answer without judgement but also with discernment for what is within your realm of possibility. Sometimes what someone needs, just isn’t possible. Many times a spouse of a dying loved one tells me they need a miracle. Tells me they need healing. I can’t make that happen. I can pray to God that God’s will be done. I can pray to God to hear our prayers. And I can say, Lord, if you will it, give us a miracle. And yet, at the end of the day - I can’t bring the healing. I can’t bring the miracle. But I can hold your hand in the unknown.

The Rev. Sarah Are says it like this in her poem “Unlearning Hands:

“I used to always ask,
“How can I help?” but
maybe I can’t help.
Maybe these hands are too small.
Maybe the boat will sink anyway.
Maybe your heart has been broken
and grief has moved in, making itself
at home in your life.
Maybe what you need from me
is not a solution
or a plan
or a fix-it strategy,
but something else,
something more.
…
What do you need?
My hands might be small,
but they can still hold yours.”

One last thing on asking the courageous question of “What do you need?” Sometimes it is good to ask the open ended question. And sometimes, it’s also good to offer up what we can give. Sometimes, when asked “What do you need?” the person may feel embarrassed to share what they need. Or they don’t want to inconvenience you. So they’ll say nothing. Or if we say, “let me know if you need anything” - the person in need may not be in the state of mind to even think of what to ask for.

Kate Bowler in her book, “Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved” offers a list of things not to say when someone is going through trauma and then a list of things to say…the book and the whole list is worth checking out but here’s the first thing she says about what TO say:
"’I'd love to bring you a meal this week. Can I email you about it?’"
And her response:
“Oh, thank goodness. I am starving, but mostly I can never figure out something to tell people that I need, even if I need it. But really, bring me anything. Chocolate. A potted plant. A set of weird erasers. I remember the first gift I got that wasn't about cancer, and I was so happy I cried. Send me funny emails filled with YouTube clips to watch during chemotherapy. Do something that suits your talents. But most important, bring me presents!”

Along with those presents, Bowler recommends friendship, just letting someone know they are being cheered on and prayed for, and the gift of companionable silence.

I’ve been meaning to ask…how can I help? The answer very well may be as simple and as hard as the gift of the ministry of presence, or it may be within our possibility to help a neighbor with a tangible need. May we be courageous in asking this question, opening up opportunities for us to be Christ to one another. Or, summed up in the famous quote attributed to John Wesley:

“Do all the good you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can.”
Amen.